About my Blog

Growing up in a home away from home, in a multicultural environment, you can't help but feel your thoughts and reflections wont speak for the majority. Somehow, this majority seems to share the same thoughts, especially in this place I call home, the United Arab Emirates. When this is all over, I ask "what's next?"

Wednesday, May 23, 2012

A women's guide to rejecting arab men. (preface)

Oi! Oi! Keep your hair on! I am not in any way a feminist, in fact I am a firm believer that we should cut men some slack (under certain circumstances but that's for another post).
EDITED IN 2016: Turns out I was a feminist after all.. :) 

However, after observing a few people close to me struggle with harrassers who came to be after being rejected, I can easily say one thing, arab men do not handle their rejections too well.

In fact, some will react VERY badly to it, regardless of the reasons of refusal ,and especially in cases where he is the -for the lack of a better expression- flawed party.
The girl will tell a guy nicely that she doesn't think she's the right girl for him, the man (the "rejectee)", won't take a hint and will repeat to her that she's just perfect for him, and that she's everything he's ever dreamed of, but would he stop for a second to think "Am I compatible with her? will she be comfortable with me?".  Now insecurity plays a big part, and so does society, the girl was -and still is- raised to fulfill the needs and ego of her future companion. She carries this mentality throughout her life and into her (mostly incognito) relationships, or worse, with the first man suggested by mommy and daddy. (resulting in many many failed and dead marriages). In parallel, the man is raised to be the apple of his mommy's eye, and no girl must EVER dare say "no" to him, and if she does she's not "bent halal", and so he will prance around roaring "YE SHALL SWOON O FRAIL MAIDENS TO MY GAZE!".

This takes us back to the rejectee, who's gonna huff and puff, and if he's "ibn halal" he will let it go, and carry the grudge quietly and make any future contact with this girl -or her friends- awkward.
And if he's a vicious "ibn haram", he will take a rocky road through the five stages of acceptan- err..no, revenge! Seriously? you think she's going to run back to you, when you threaten to "tell dadd\ brother"?  Maybe this is embedded in their genes, the whole slavery, harem and "Jawari".

It's not strange to us reading news containing words such as "revenge, reputation, rejection, honor, blackmail", or headlines along the lines of "She refused his proposal, so he tainted her reputation".
Well, we're not blind to the methods men can use to satisfy their thirst for revenge, and we're not strangers to the arab men's ways in particular, they will resort to the first and most crucial thing , the reputation.

What happened to the first woman, is that she felt her overly passionate male-friend was very aggressive, naturally as a sane move, she decided to stay away from him, and asked him kindly to leave her be. In his mind, this wasn't right, how could she reject his company? He would repeat over and over  that she absolutely loves him, she just doesn't want to admit it to herself.
So what he does, goes around giving her mobile number, steals her pictures and starts distributing them about, attaching of course loads of bullocks about her reputation.  Result? Tons of phone calls and humiliating text messages from random numbers. She was hoping that he will get tired of it, and that it will eventually die out. It didn't, he started stalking her wherever she went,  making her life a miserable living hell. She'd confront him, and he would shamelessly deny that he's done anything.
Even after he's defaced her car and broken into her appartment, still thinking she loves him and NEEDS to take him back. She naturally feared for her life, and had no choice but to resort to the police, the first attempt was not too sucessful, and left her and her friends very frustrated, but after she went with her parent she was finally able to obtain a restraining order, which to my knowledge seems to have worked well.

Another woman faced the same problem, rejected man who's tried to play Mr. mysterious a tad too much, she wasn't able to obtain any personal information from him, even during a very normal conversation. But that's not why she told him off, he was overly aggressive, jealous and ill-meaning. And didn't refrain from hurting her by making indirect comments that question her moral conduct. Seeing that this is what made her furious, he makes it his weapon of choice. In one of his jealousy fits he managed to hack into her computer, stealing many personal pictures. What displays his ill-means is he did that months ago before she told him off.
He tried to lull her into a false sense of security, he told her he's leaving the country to move to a new office after he's wanted to open a new company etc etc... (which was very incoherent seeing that  one man cannot leave work AND find a new job in 3 days.).
Shortly after she recieves a text message, threatening her that she will lose her job, she ignores it, and a while after, she starts receiving random phone calls asking to meet her. The blow was a person randomly showing up in her office simply saying she insisted on meeting him.
How, what where , why?..
The guy has created a Badoo profile with her stolen data, the victim shows the lady the website and leaves her frantic and upset. She saw there is no way of tracking the person who's made the profile, she resorted to the police, who referred her to the e-crimes department, who referred her to the public prosecution, they managed to close the fake account but our criminal was rather persistent, he created another account and started giving away her friends, coworkers and home number away.  He himself would call from a phone booth whenever he could and fake his accent and voice.

Long story short (if you're still reading).
The police "made it all go away", and we were not encouraged to ask questions.

Make sure you tune in for my next post for extra online safety in the UAE tips for females!

Thursday, February 2, 2012

Soap, pipe and a cat, and other internet concerns

A cat smoking a soap pipe...because I can...
Warning: This is a rant, and like all rants, it can carry reason, or misinformation.

SOPA, PIPA and ACTA , are just new fancy excuses to make more money, I believe we've already established that point, yes?

Blu-Ray: When you run out sequels and spin-of
I mean intellectual property? is there any intellect left in this new "property"? Music so awful that people wont bother to buy the whole album for just that one song anymore, terrible movies bred and brought by franchise milking farms, you beloved favorite comic is going to be squeezed and have melodrama painted all over it and sold to those who were never aware of it's existence, maybe get an edgier look to appeal to the younger (and larger) audience, what about gramps who bought the first comic with his hard earned allowance? Oh, right, he wont be able to fit into those hoodies and t-shirts we're planning to sell, nor would he buy the action figures, or play the terribly designed hatched-with-haste games! And more importantly try and explain the Blu-ray concept to him.

So what does this Soap and pipe do for the intellectual property, you ask?
It targets the websites that host stuff actually you'd like to acquire/watch/play but CANT due to numerous reasons, mainly the unavailability of the stuff in your local stores. It no longer takes down the material, instead it burns the whole house down, legal or not. Naturally it was met by opposition from both pirates and good internauts.

Open your wallet and say AHHH!
Finally, ACTA 
If you weren't a perfectly paranoid individual who'd flip his/her top at the thought of having your banking records looked at by someone other than your banker before, thanks to ACTA, not only does the government look whenever they please at your finance transactions, but they keep track of it for 3 months.

Imagine millions of records of people like me and you...now imagine it kept in a big barn with it's doors wide open with a one eyed bored guard at the door with a Swiss knife for a weapon...now imagine him taking out his lunch from a lunch box, (the color of the box defines your character, if you chose pink, it mean's you're a pink person...) back to the barn..now imagine a tank driving right through...actually scratch that... there is no guard, just a happy person waltzing in with a shopping cart...The big companies will not be hurt, it's the smaller lesser known characters known as "people" who will take the blow.

Problem? :trollfacejpg:
The facade that Mr. ACTA (aka: "D*uche" Lamar Smith) has opted in order to promote his bill, is the ever so famous "But think of the children!". Is keeping records of millions of people in a place where it's easily compromised going to stop Child pornography? Mind you, according to the Internet Watch Foundation , it's against the law to actively search for Child abuse content for reporting purpose. It is nothing more than a trade agreement that let's governments censor the internet even more, and it seems that the UAE is signing it too among many other countries, but like many other events, it goes unnoticed.

"LOL! I HAZ YOUR $$$!"

I know now that I may have made a mistake when I decided to turn green by switching to online bank statements in order to save trees, and I don't intend to wait to find out. Actually, this might be a good time to bail out of the internet before anything ███████ OH GOD !!!  They're █████all the ███ !!
Too soon!! ████ Ow!! That hurts.!!.███ STOP IT ██ you're █████ ME!!!
████████████████████████████████████████████run! Save yourselves!
 They're ████ everybody!

Thursday, November 17, 2011


Olives- A violent romance

Taking  a break from my usual passive-aggressive posts, and since amazon is being an ████I will take this opportunity to talk about a great gem I found by pure luck (maybe fate) in my living room two days ago! It was two thick piles of paper that dad brought home to work on despite being on leave, I noticed the writer name said Alexander McNabb, a great blogger I've been stalking* for quite a while, I quickly grabbed it like a fan-girl and flipped through it. I had the Abu Dhabi Art fair opening ceremony invitation in my bag, but nooo! my evening has been planned by fate!

To be honest, I thought it was going to be another biased story about a very touchy subject for me, naturally a part of my identity crisis, the mother land... and all the fancy emotional words I could come up with... in short, "Palestine".

The book Olives is a about a "brit" who's life is turned upside down when he's off to a wrong start upon moving to Jordan. He falls for a Palestinian-Jordanian beauty, Aisha, and becomes (or struggles to become) a part of her world trying to live with his doubts about her family's connections triggered by his own understanding of the middle east and other events he finds too close for comfort. We live the story through Paul Stoke's eyes, mind and heart as his belief and trust gets put to test.

What I expected was a typical taboo romance, riddled with misinformation, and prejudice towards Palestinians (knee-jerk reaction really, a common palestinian trait), a couple of self-righteous extremists and an "ajnabi" who saves the day.
One of the very few times I was glad to have been wrong. It provided a different experience for me as a reader, it's not the 5 minute euphoria of self-discovery, or 30 minutes of wall-of-reality-depression, for once it felt like I was reading a story like I was listening to a close friend's story with a good cup of coffee.  And I forgot by the end of the first chapter that I knew who the author was.

The plot is very clever and very intriguing, and I was reacting to every twist and fighting the urge to just jump to the final page, laughing and crying along with the every line, whenever someone interrupted me I felt like flailing my arms around in a teenage tantrum of LEAVE-ME-ALONE-ism.

It has the right mix of romance, intrigue, mystery, action, and information, and most importantly the humanity in every character.

The bad part? Finding that I have reached the last page.

In a Hyperbole or two? (and quote yours truly *adjusts monocle*):  "Wildest book-induced- emotional trip ever had!"

I'll give myself a medal for not posting any spoilers.

The book hopefully comes out on November 30th for us here in the middle east. BUT despair not! you can get it for kindle on Amazon (those jerkwads...) and smashwords.

* stalking: act of following online activity, it's completely okay when I do it, and I strongly advise you to not follow my steps.